Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i dont even know how to be here
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
