It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
