I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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