college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I need a beard to bite.
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