Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
