he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
