At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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