There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
