listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
