She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
