i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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