mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
