he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
