He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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