Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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