Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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