Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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