also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
