I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
