Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
