With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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