he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
