Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
