...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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