All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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