He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
