Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
