Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
