office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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