Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
