did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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