Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
