I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
