I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
