I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
