I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
