im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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