Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
