I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He better not be in your backpack
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
