So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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