So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
