you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
