I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
