Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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