Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
