Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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