Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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