remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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