it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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