Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.

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  (214): they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids. http://tfl.nu/ux66
  Replies (18) Good night (1208) Bad night (2783)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..

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  (804): If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night.. http://tfl.nu/3lun
  Replies (3) Good night (1106) Bad night (3695)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself

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  (914): Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself http://tfl.nu/ot4u
  Replies (30) Good night (5422) Bad night (1427)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.

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  (314): last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga. http://tfl.nu/5ric
  Replies (16) Good night (4139) Bad night (1176)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.

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  (918): He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day. http://tfl.nu/2bxp
  Replies (5) Good night (4094) Bad night (1155)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.

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  (512): He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone. http://tfl.nu/7h78
  Replies (8) Good night (1005) Bad night (3178)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!

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  (724): I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it! http://tfl.nu/y71c
  Replies (3) Good night (4227) Bad night (1303)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out

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  (408): dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out http://tfl.nu/y59w
  Replies (4) Good night (643) Bad night (1427)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!

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  (405): Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting! http://tfl.nu/ctqc
  Replies (3) Good night (1442) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.

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  (908): I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice. http://tfl.nu/l50v
  Replies (5) Good night (458) Bad night (1033)
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  (760): View more from California

  He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....

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  (760): He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch.... http://tfl.nu/h307
  Replies (1) Good night (837) Bad night (454)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out

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  (425): Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out http://tfl.nu/jvnh
  Replies (1) Good night (700) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (587): View more from Alberta

  Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol

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  (587): Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking. (306): There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol http://tfl.nu/d3jk
  Replies (4) Good night (1147) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Come back. Shots need mouths.

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  (513): Come back. Shots need mouths. http://tfl.nu/wxr0
  Replies (0) Good night (718) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You'll pass into the great gay beyond

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic

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  (541): You'll pass into the great gay beyond (734): Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic http://tfl.nu/yi3i
  Replies (1) Good night (491) Bad night (197)

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