After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
