cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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