dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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