Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
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organizing the empties. That sober.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
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I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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