thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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