mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
