ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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