Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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