just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
