Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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