ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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