i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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