Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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