just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
