she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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