my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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