grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
