Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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