My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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