i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
