his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
