I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
