he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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