I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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