bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
