nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
