Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
