I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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