so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
