My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
