I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
