i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
