I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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