Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
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I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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