Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
