I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
